Eclipse Schmiclipse

Here’s how my brain works.  I get information.  I pay attention to about 30% of the information and then my brain comes in later and fills in the blanks.  Kind of like an informational mad lib.  My brain fills in these blanks with a pen which means once it’s there, there will be no update to the answer with things like an actual fact.

Here’s a great example.  I decided to surprise my step-father with a trip to this magical milkshake restaurant I heard about from a co-worker who told me it was a “must do”. Ok, done!  My parents meet me at The Wharf where I’ve already done two full circles looking for The Park, maker of magical milkshakes.  The problem?  It’s not called The Park, and it’s not located at The Wharf.

To make it worse, I actually showed my mother prior to the trip where I wanted to go.  We pulled it up online and I realized then it is not actually called The Park, it’s called The Yard.  I did make note of this, but the blank was already filled in with a name of my choosing and therefore never updated with the real one.

So now you will perhaps understand when I tell you by paying zero attention whatsoever, I completely misunderstood what this whole eclipse thing meant.  In my version of the eclipse everyone gets a 100% coverage shot, while people along the special viewing line see it longer.  So what do I do?  I head off in the exact opposite direction of the special viewing line.

In case you aren’t quite caught up, this is not at all how the eclipse worked.  As a result I saw about a 75% cover.

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This is me, sitting as far as physically possible from the special line of view without entering the gulf, under an umbrella, sticking my arm out with the phone to take a picture and check for eclipsing.

It wasn’t until 20 minutes later I saw a guy break out his father’s welding cap that I realized the eclipse had already started and the phone camera isn’t able to pick it up.  Fun fact for the next eclipse in 2024 when they will probably have phones that are capable of filming it.

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I did manage to purchase special eclipse glasses.  I have never looked cooler.  About this time is when I’m starting to realize the whole eclipsing thing is slowing down and why won’t it go ahead and cover the sun already and oh, wait…is it going in reverse now???  What the….

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This is my single photograph of the Great American Eclipse of 2017 taken with my phone, through my special eclipse glasses.  You’re welcome.  No one call NASA to report this epic coverage, please.

IMG_0370.jpgThis is the beach at the full 75% coverage.  Or maybe it was just the storm cloud in the way because that was a thing too.  I mean, at least I was on the beach, right?!?

Do I really need to tell you I unpurposefully orchestrated  perhaps the single most epic eclipse fail on the continent?

Also, I get it now.  Can I have a do-over?  Anybody?

Side note:  We did eventually make it to The Yard.  The real one.

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