The Single Girl of the Group

Aaron Burden

Over the weekend I was at a birthday party when a friend of the family mentioned there was a single guy at her church.  Suddenly I had three sets of wide open eyes staring at me simultaneously with that “Did you hear that???” look.

I’m that girl.  The single girl at the parties where everyone else is married with kids.  I think somewhere along the line maybe I crossed into the realm of pulse point attraction (as in, He has a pulse. ding ding We have a winner!!).  Whenever a man is mentioned who is even barely inside the single spectrum (i.e. possibly, maybe, could be, we think, he might’ve said he thought about getting a divorce once), all eyes turn to me.

I’m not kidding.  A few weeks ago a co-worker called me squeaking and squealing because a guy I had “so much chemistry with” just made a comment to her about changing his bank information because the wife took his money.  And that means they’re separated.  Which then means he and I can finally announce our star-crossed love and start making babies, I guess.

Bless them.

To be fair, I am single and I do want to meet someone.  My friends and family know this and so their actions are their best efforts at finding me that someone.  They’re trying to help in a way, and I appreciate it.  But.  But, but, but.

This whole *nudge nudge* thing just weirds me out.  This weekend here was the list of his qualifications:

1. He was of the male persuasion.
2. He was single.
3. He was at a church.
4. And I’m assuming here…he was breathing.

I got an extra *nudge nudge* look when they were told he rides a motorcycle.  And I think they may have known a friend of his that he might resemble kind of, in a way, if he turns sideways and you tilt your head.  They didn’t say the friend they knew was cute, they just gave me more *nudge nudge* looks.  Is this a good thing?!?  I don’t know.

Y’all!  I’ve ridden a motorcycle once in my life – when I was 12 – and I burned my entire left calf using the muffler as my dismount slide.  A motorcycle does nothing for me.  That’s not a plus.  For me.

I’ve been to church maybe once in the past year.  And when I do go to church, I go to one that is a lot different from how they believe, which means how he believes if he’s going to their kind of church.  Another thing that’s not a plus.

How about this…. can he hold a decent conversation?  What does he do for fun?  Does he read books?  Like to travel?  Heck, does he have a job?!?

I mean, where is our standard meter right now?  You know?  Can someone go dig it out of the trash, please?  What about this guy makes you think your wide *nudge nudge* eyes should be focused on me?  Simmer, please.

I’m just saying.  I really think my friends and family might be more desperate for me to find a man than I am at this point.

Is this what happens in your late 30s?

At what point can I give the *nudge nudge* look to my married friends when someone brings up the topic of divorce?

Too soon?  Not the same thing?

I kid, I kid.  Asking for a friend.

I had a guy walk up today and ask me, “You found a man yet?”  Nope.  Not yet.  “Well what’s wrong with you?”  Ummmm…..

I’m 94% sure he was teasing.

I have another friend who thinks I should join an online dating site.  As a reminder she will sing the farmersonly.com tune to me when the topic of dating or being single is brought up.

83% sure she’s teasing.

Really it’s a funny thing to me.  I don’t mind it as much as it sounds like I do.  Sometimes it’s embarrassing, but I know it’s either in good fun or to help me.

What about you?  Are you that girl too?  Do your friends get a kick out of teasing you about it?  Comment and let me know you’re here!


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